The Mask We Wear: How Shadow Work Supports Unmasking in a Safe, Embodied Way
“You’re so well-behaved.”
“You’re easygoing.”
“You always know what to say.”
“You don’t seem autistic.”
Compliments—or armor?
Many of us have spent years learning how to shape-shift. Especially if you're neurodivergent, masking becomes second nature: a survival strategy for navigating spaces that don’t fully see or honor who you are. Over time, the mask becomes so fused with our identity that we forget what lies beneath.
But here’s the truth:
The mask may have kept you safe. But it also kept you hidden.
And eventually, hiding hurts.
What Is Masking?
Masking is the conscious or unconscious act of suppressing or altering parts of yourself to fit social expectations. It often includes:
Forcing eye contact, smiling when you’re distressed
Repressing stimming or sensory needs
Copying neurotypical conversational norms
Downplaying your struggles and needs
Over-preparing, over-apologizing, or over-performing to avoid criticism
For many neurodivergent people—especially those socialized as female or BIPOC—masking starts early. It becomes the script we memorize to avoid punishment, rejection, or being labeled as “difficult.”
But even when it works, it comes at a cost:
⚡ Exhaustion
😔 Disconnection
💔 Loss of identity
🌀 Anxiety and burnout
🌫️ Not knowing who you are beneath the performance
Why Unmasking Can Feel So Terrifying
If the mask is tied to safety, then letting it slip can feel like falling into freefall.
You may wonder:
Who am I if I’m not performing?
Will people still like me if I stop fawning or filtering myself?
What if the “real me” is too much—or not enough?
These are shadow questions. The ones we tuck away into the unconscious because we fear what they might uncover.
This is where Shadow Work begins.
Shadow Work: A Gentle Path to Unmasking
Shadow work is the practice of exploring the hidden, repressed, or fragmented parts of ourselves. Not to fix them but to befriend them. To witness them with curiosity instead of shame.
Through a neurodivergent-affirming lens, shadow work becomes a powerful unmasking tool because it:
Honors Your Internal Parts
We all have inner parts—Protectors, People-Pleasers, Critics, Rebels, Inner Children. Shadow work uses a parts-based framework to explore why each part developed and what it’s trying to protect. Often, the mask is one of those parts.
Tends to the Nervous System
Unmasking is not just psychological—it’s physiological. Shadow work incorporates somatic tools that gently reconnect you to your body and soothe survival responses that get activated when you try to show up more authentically.
Invites Self-Compassion
You don’t have to rip the mask off all at once. Shadow work creates a compassionate space where you can explore, peel back, rest, and return—at your pace. There is no performance here.
Questions to Reflect On:
Let these questions be an invitation inward:
Where do I feel like I’m performing in my daily life?
Which parts of myself have I learned to hide or suppress to belong?
Who told me I had to be "easy," "pleasant," or "productive" to be loved?
What would it feel like to be safe in my truth—even if it's messy, weird, or loud?
What part of me is asking to be seen… but doesn’t know how?
If your answers feel tender, uncertain, or overwhelming, you’re not alone. These are the exact moments shadow work can hold.
You Don’t Have to Unmask Alone
Unmasking is a process of returning to yourself—and it can be both liberating and disorienting. That’s why I created my 1:1 Shadow Work Sessions:
To offer you a space where all parts of you are welcome—especially the ones you've been told to hide.
Together, we explore your internal world using:
🌿 Parts work to build relationships with your inner system
🌿 Somatic tools to regulate and reconnect with your body
🌿 Neurodivergent-affirming support that meets you where you are
🌿 Consent-based pacing so you never feel pushed beyond your threshold
You don’t need to “have it all figured out.” You just need to show up as you are.
The mask protected you once. But it doesn’t have to be your identity.
Let’s begin the journey of remembering who you are beneath it.
You are not too much. You are not broken. You are not alone.
You are whole. Even in the unraveling.
Let’s meet the parts of you waiting to be seen.
Disclaimer: Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC stands committed to neurodiversity, autonomy, and the use of inclusive language. We respectfully acknowledge the preferences of the Neurodivergent Community we serve by choosing to use Identity-First language. For example: "autistic person" vs "person with autism." The articles provided to you by Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC ("We") are for information purposes only. The content reflects the experts' current knowledge and position as of the date posted. The information within the articles should never be considered a substitution for medical or legal advice. Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC and the website are not liable for errors, omissions, losses, injuries, or damages.
