Shadow Work and the Inner Critic: Befriending the Voice That Keeps You Small
“You should have known better.”
“You’re being too much.”
“Why can’t you just get it right?”
If these words sound familiar—not from someone else, but from your own mind—you’re not alone.
Many of us live with a relentless inner critic. It's the voice that holds us back, picks us apart, and whispers that we are never quite enough.
But what if that voice isn’t the enemy?
What if your inner critic is actually a protector—one that formed to help you survive?
This is where shadow work begins.
The Inner Critic: Where It Comes From
The inner critic doesn’t emerge out of nowhere. It’s often shaped early in life, especially for those of us who are neurodivergent and grew up feeling misunderstood, too intense, or out of sync with the world around us.
Think back to the messages you absorbed—directly or indirectly:
“Stop fidgeting.”
“Don’t say that, it’s weird.”
“Why can’t you just focus?”
“You’re too emotional/sensitive/loud.”
“That’s not how everyone else does it.”
Over time, these experiences can teach us that parts of who we are are “wrong,” “broken,” or “too much.” In an effort to stay safe, accepted, or praised, we internalize those messages—and they become the inner critic.
It’s like our nervous system goes into autopilot:
If I criticize myself first, maybe no one else will.
Why the Inner Critic Hurts So Much—Especially for Neurodivergent Folks
If you’re autistic, ADHD, PDA, or otherwise neurodivergent, you’ve likely spent much of your life navigating environments not built with your brain or body in mind. That often means:
🧠 Masking who you are to fit in
💬 Overthinking every interaction for fear of being “too much”
💡 Shutting down your needs, insights, or creativity to avoid judgment
The inner critic becomes a constant companion—not because you’re flawed, but because your system has been trained to keep you “safe” by staying small, silent, or compliant.
But at what cost?
The Shadow Work Approach: Relating to the Critic with Compassion
Traditional approaches often try to silence or reject the inner critic. Shadow work, especially through parts work, offers something radically different:
We listen to the critic.
We get curious.
We build relationship.
Through this process, we start to understand:
What part of me is speaking right now?
How old is this part?
What is it afraid will happen if I don’t listen?
Who taught it to speak this way?
What does it need instead?
Often, the critic is trying to protect a more vulnerable part of you—your inner child, your creative voice, your authenticity. It’s working overtime to prevent you from feeling pain, rejection, or failure again.
And when we offer it compassion—not battle—it softens.
Reflective Questions for You
🌀 When do you hear your inner critic the loudest?
🌀 What does it say—and whose voice does it sound like?
🌀 What part of you might this voice be trying to protect?
🌀 What would it be like to meet this part with curiosity instead of shame?
There are no right answers. Only starting points.
Healing Isn't About Silence—It's About Relationship
The goal of shadow work isn’t to eliminate your inner critic. It’s to understand it. To meet it as a part of your story, not the whole truth of who you are.
Because once we see the critic for what it really is—a scared, protective part—we can offer it something it never had: safety. compassion. choice.
Ready to Begin?
If this resonates with you, I invite you to explore this work with me.
My 1:1 Shadow Work Sessions are rooted in a neurodivergent-affirming, parts-based, and somatic approach. Together, we gently uncover the internal voices, stories, and protective strategies that have kept you small—and we work with them, not against them.
There’s no rush to “fix” or “heal.” Just an invitation to meet yourself in your full complexity—with curiosity and care.
🌀 You don’t have to quiet the critic alone.
🌀 You can learn to listen—and lead—from a deeper, more compassionate self.
You are not too much. You are not broken. You are not alone.
You are whole. Even in the unraveling.
Let’s meet the parts of you waiting to be seen.
Disclaimer: Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC stands committed to neurodiversity, autonomy, and the use of inclusive language. We respectfully acknowledge the preferences of the Neurodivergent Community we serve by choosing to use Identity-First language. For example: "autistic person" vs "person with autism." The articles provided to you by Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC ("We") are for information purposes only. The content reflects the experts' current knowledge and position as of the date posted. The information within the articles should never be considered a substitution for medical or legal advice. Neurodivergent Consultant, LLC and the website are not liable for errors, omissions, losses, injuries, or damages.
